Be Honest Part 2

We’ve all done it. Sometimes we tell ourselves certain things to prevent our egos from being damaged by the truth. Things like: “I’m not fat, I’m just big boned”; or “all men are cheaters”; or “you have to have money to get a good girl”; or “you have to kiss ass to get ahead”.

In the short term these thoughts may protect our ego from being hurt but in the long term they do much more damage. Remember, in Be Honest Part 1, I wrote: “be honest about your weakness. Don’t let your ego rob you of the opportunity you deserve.”

So how do you do it? How do you be honest?

The answer, stillness. Allow yourself to sit quietly by yourself without any judgement. This time is just for you not anyone else. Ask yourself the question, what’ s really going on? or what’s really going on that I don’t want to admit?

Although the answers that you come up with may not feel good, recognize that it’s not about beating yourself up. It’s simply allowing the truth to come forward from a place of quiet realization.

Picking on the excuses I mentioned before maybe you sit quietly and think: “actually, I’m not big boned, I am over weight” or “I’m scared to put myself out there for another man/woman to hurt me” or “I’m embarrassed by how much money I make” or “I am too terrified to speak up at work”.

Honestly, having done this with literally thousands of people I’ve discovered that without the truth it makes it extremely difficult to change. And I’ve seen the difference between those who keep making excuses and those who own the truth. No bullshit, the difference is staggering.

Once the realization happens it makes it much easier to move on to the next step which is…what prevents?

It’s a critical question that I ask all of my clients, what is preventing you from getting what you want?
Staying with the previous examples I gave, I might ask: “what’s preventing you from losing weight?” or “what’s preventing you from putting yourself out there with men/women?” or “what’s preventing you from making more money?” or “what’s preventing you from speaking up at work?”
Again, the key here is to be honest. Don’t shut down. Stay open.  
Quite often people will say, “I don’t know”. Which is code for, “I’m freaked out” or “I don’t want to admit it”. Just a side note, your brain is a super computer and it will answer any question you throw at. So, if you ask a question it will respond, you may not like the answer but it will respond.
Continuing on, once you are honest and you figure out what’s preventing you from getting the result, it’s time to brainstorm possible solutions. So, a question you might ask yourself is: How could I make it work?
Using one of the previous examples “I’m not fat, I’m just big boned” the steps might look like this:
Being honest could be: 
Question: “What’s going on here that I don’t want to admit?”  
Answer: “actually, I’m not big boned, I am overweight”
What prevents might look like: 
  • “I don’t like going to the gym, 
  • “dieting separates me from my friends”
  • “I don’t want to eat salads all day
Again it’s important to note there is no judgement, it’s just your honest perspective on what’s stopping you.
Finally, how could I make it work? 
  • instead of going to the gym, try exercising at home or hiking, or something fun
  • find a work out partner or get a trainer 
  • what other fun things can you do with your friends besides eating 
  • talk to a nutritionist about other options besides salads.
This may seem like an over simplification and you’re right.  I’ve done that so that you can grasp the concept quickly. It’s really just a 3 step process:
1 – What’s really going on here that I don’t want to admit?
2 – What’s preventing me from getting what I want?
3 – How could I make it work?
It’s simple but to do it correctly takes an enormous amount of courage. Tackling our excuses or the stories we tell ourselves is hard work because our stories can seem so real and true that it makes it very hard to let them go.
However sometimes if you want to reach the opportunity you deserve, it’s an absolute necessity to let them go.

In closing, I’ll leave you with two final thoughts…
“The only thing stopping you from getting exactly what you want in life…is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself about why you can’t have it”
“The truth shall set you free”

Calvin Strachan made the Find a Way to Win programs after becoming a leader in several multi-million dollar sales organizations ranging from: direct sales to pharmaceutical sales to personal development.

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